METALTomeh

It’s 3:25am right now. This doesn’t mean good things for me as I have to be up and aware early tomorrow. I have to go into town to get my hair cut, I have to buy myself a plant, I have to fix my watch, I have to do loads of things. None of them incredible vital, had my situation been something like “so I can go home and await the next day” or even if it was “because later I have a date”. No sir, this early morning is because later on I have probably the most vital and absolutely incredibly important situation of my life coming up.

I am moving out of the very same house I lived in for 19 years to go to University. I mean, this could’ve been done a year ago, but I had a gap year, of sorts. I sort of think back to how I felt about leaving then and it’s safe to say I would have been left for dead had I left then, but I didn’t. I’m leaving now as a completely different person to what I was then. Sure, I would’ve drawn faces on my moving out boxes then, too, but now I’m more mature, life-aware, and awesome. So I don’t think this is a late leaving. I think it’s perfect timing.

Many posts ago I said I was feeling the worst stomach churning fear I’ve ever felt in my life. Thankfully those fears have left me. Replaced by occasional butterflies, if you will, and then turned into something that can only be described as excitement. Well, that was until about 5 hours ago anyway. I finally got my stuff into boxes, all my clothes ironed and ready to go, and we put one box into the car when I went back to get another box and there was my mum crying. Which is weird. It’s really weird. I mean, I know she cares about me and stuff, but I never thought that she really really cared about me jesus christ. So I gave her a hug, said “Hey, whoa, is this my fault?” and laughed it off. But fuck, man, I’m actually going to miss home. It’s weird, but I kinda feel like life away is going to be harder than I thought, not because of general ignorance with cooking, fear of living alone, social retardation or economical failure, but because I’m actually going to miss my family.

While you may read this (if you’re still reading, shit) you are probably thinking “WELL YEAH, DUH, I’D MISS MY FAMILY TOO” but this is genuinely a revelation for me. I don’t feel emotions so deep as everyone else, which often gets me called heartless, but it’s just a fact for you all about me. So yeah, this experience has been strange. Sure it hasn’t happened yet, but already I’ve felt two alien emotions to me: Fear and, I dunno what you’d call it… Homesickness? Is that an emotion?

Anyway, I felt the need to write that down.

Also, my mum cried, what a fucking girl, right?!